Breaking the "I Do Not Know!" Habit

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1. The Comfort of "I Don’t Know"

Last week, I wrote to you about the illusion of “I am fine!”, what lies behind it, and how a manager can process the pressure in a way that enables them to move forward. Today, I want to discuss the “I don’t know” cliché. In my executive coaching practice, I’ve often observed that many senior and middle managers, despite their experience and track record, tend to default to the answer "I don't know" when faced with complex or challenging questions.

It’s important to recognize that it is legitimate for a manager to not have all the answers at times—no one can be expected to know everything. However, using "I don’t know" as a habitual response is not healthy leadership behaviour. This response doesn’t always indicate a lack of knowledge or capability; rather, it often reflects a protective instinct to avoid the discomfort of uncertainty. In these cases, the pressure to have all the answers leads managers to sidestep the exploration process altogether. For some leaders, admitting "I don’t know" feels like a safer option, a way to avoid delving deeper into a topic or making a decision that might expose their vulnerabilities.

However, this habitual response is often a missed opportunity for growth. By quickly closing off the need for further inquiry, these leaders forgo the chance to gain a deeper understanding, find creative solutions, or inspire their teams to think critically. As experienced professionals, many of these managers are skilled problem-solvers, yet their tendency to immediately say "I don’t know" without pausing to reflect may be what keeps them stuck in a pattern that undermines their credibility and their leadership.

The real issue here is not the lack of knowledge or understanding, but the refusal to explore the unknown. A mindset shift is needed where "I don’t know" becomes an invitation to learn, rather than an excuse to remain in a state of uncertainty. It is within this discomfort—the willingness to ask questions, confront difficult situations, and take risks—that true leadership growth occurs.

2. Have you ever been in these situations?

Even the most experienced managers can fall into the trap of saying "I don’t know" in specific, high-pressure situations. These moments often occur when the uncertainty of the situation, of the outcome or of how they are perceived by other managers or people with higher authority feels overwhelming or when the stakes are particularly high.

One example is Dana, a senior leader responsible for engineering innovation, who finds himself uncertain about his company’s expectations. Dana has always been a pioneer, successfully introducing new ideas and persuading others to embrace them. However, after being promoted to a highly visible technical leadership role, tasked with driving innovation, he realizes that his responsibilities go beyond just leading innovation. They also involve educating C-level executives and supporting them in making long-term strategic decisions. Overwhelmed by the political dynamics and the unexpected nature of his role, Dana is surprised to discover the extent to which his position requires him to challenge outdated perceptions among some of the company’s most powerful figures. When I asked him to articulate how he understands his strategic role, Dana preferred to respond with "I don’t know" rather than confront the uncomfortable truth that his role also involves navigating these complex political and cultural barriers.

Another example is Marianna, a project manager known for her ability to please clients. When we met, Marianna found herself stuck with conflicting demands coming from both sides: inside and outside her organisation. She was caught between her manager, the Director of Operations, who instructed her to stop sugarcoating the situation, and a client with unreasonable expectations. Faced with this challenge, Marianna said, "I don’t know how to handle this conflict," instead of asserting the contract terms and setting clear boundaries with the client.

Similarly, Antoine, a middle manager facing challenges in building a cohesive team culture, said, "I don’t know how to improve my team." Instead of exploring the solutions he already had in mind or collaborating with his team members to find answers, he avoided addressing the issue directly fearing his team would never listen to him.

Even senior leaders can experience moments of uncertainty regarding their personal growth. I faced this challenge myself years ago when I was in a managing director role, so it wasn’t surprising when I spoke recently with John, a seasoned CEO in his 50s. He told me "I don’t know" to express his uncertainty about the next steps in his career. He was hesitant to confront the challenge of self-improvement, unsure of what personal growth might look like at his stage in life and whether professional evolution was still possible for him.

These scenarios illustrate how, despite years of experience, leaders still resort to "I don’t know" when the path forward isn’t immediately clear or they do not have sufficient inner resources to handle to situation at hand.

3. What 'I Don’t Know' Is and Its Hidden Cost

The response "I don’t know" may seem harmless, but it often conceals deeper psychological factors that hinder a manager's growth and leadership potential. Here are ten mindset-related factors that typically lie behind this response:

1. Fear of Failure – Managers may fear that admitting uncertainty or identifying problems will expose them to failure or weakness. As a result, they prefer to remain in the dark, avoiding the discomfort of acknowledging that they don't have all the answers.

2. Avoidance of Discomfort – Facing difficult decisions or questions can be overwhelming, prompting managers to default to "I don’t know" as a way to avoid the discomfort of grappling with uncertainty or taking on a challenge they aren’t ready to face.

3. Desire to Maintain Control – The need to project certainty in leadership often results in situations where managers prefer to say “I do not know” rather than be seen as not having any position. The trouble starts when this statement leads to inactivity and blockage rather than pursuing a healthy inquiry into the situation.

4. Fear of Being Judged – Senior managers, in particular, may fear that admitting they don’t have all the answers will cause them to lose the respect or authority they’ve worked hard to build with their team or superiors. This fear can lead them to shy away from acknowledging their uncertainty and to push them to say “I do not know” as a final verdict that closes the conversation.

5. Lack of Confidence – Even seasoned leaders can experience moments of self-doubt, especially when the stakes are high. When they’re unsure about a decision or direction, the "I don’t know" response serves as a defence mechanism against feeling inadequate.

6. Cognitive Overload – In complex situations, managers may struggle to process the vast amount of information or conflicting data they face. This mental overload can lead to paralysis, where saying "I don’t know" becomes a way of avoiding the overwhelming task of sorting through the details to make an informed decision.

7. Certainty that Nothing Will Change – Some managers may feel that, even if they find the answer, the outcome will be the same and nothing will improve. This belief makes the effort to explore and solve the issue seem futile, leading them to say "I don’t know" instead of engaging with the situation.

8. Lack of Urgency –  When managers don't perceive an immediate need to answer a question or make a decision, they may procrastinate. Saying "I don’t know" allows them to delay action, avoiding the pressure of having to make a choice right away.

9. Fear of Conflict – If a solution requires confronting others or challenging their ideas, managers may retreat into "I don’t know" to avoid potential conflict. This avoidance of difficult conversations prevents them from addressing issues directly and finding resolutions.

10. Complacency – After achieving success, some managers may feel there’s no need to push for further growth or exploration. This mindset can lead them to avoid stepping into the unknown, relying on "I don’t know" as a way to sidestep the challenge of continued learning and self-improvement.

The cost of "I don’t know" is far more than a simple admission of uncertainty. It undermines leadership by closing the door to the crucial processes of inquiry and exploration. Effective leadership requires the ability to ask difficult questions, seek new knowledge, and consider diverse perspectives. When a manager says "I don’t know," they’re often avoiding these essential activities that drive innovation and personal development.

Moreover, by avoiding the discomfort of not having an immediate answer, they also avoid accountability. Leadership demands the courage to make decisions, even when the path forward isn’t entirely clear. The "I don’t know" response creates a barrier to owning decisions and embracing the responsibility that comes with them. 

In doing so, it stifles growth, both at a personal level and for the team or organization. Leaders who shy away from the unknown miss opportunities to model resilience, adaptability, and proactive problem-solving, all of which are fundamental to cultivating a high-performing culture.

4. From "I Don’t Know" to "I Will Find Out"

Adopting a mindset that shifts from "I don’t know" to "I will find out" is crucial for leaders looking to foster growth, learning, and resilience. The phrase "I don’t know" often signals an end to the conversation, a place where uncertainty is avoided, and the search for answers stops. In contrast, "I will find out" opens up a world of possibilities, encouraging curiosity, persistence, and action. It empowers leaders to take ownership of their challenges and actively engage in finding solutions, rather than letting ambiguity block progress.

Embracing uncertainty is not only about acknowledging the unknown but also about welcoming it as an opportunity for growth. When leaders actively seek answers, they develop a deeper understanding of the issues at hand, cultivate problem-solving skills, and build confidence in their ability to navigate challenges. 

This approach leads to continuous learning, strengthening both personal and professional resilience. Leaders who reframe uncertainty as a space for exploration, rather than a roadblock, are better equipped to adapt to change and lead effectively in dynamic environments.

To develop this mindset, you can take several practical steps:

Set Aside Time for Self-Reflection – Regular self-reflection allows you to assess your strengths, identify areas of uncertainty, and recognize where you need to grow. Take a moment to reflect on your recent "I don’t know" moments. What was behind that statement? What were you trying to create, solve, or avoid by saying "I don’t know"?  How did my "I don’t know" response affect my decision-making or the outcome of the situation? This reflection can help you uncover the deeper motivations and fears that drive these moments of uncertainty.

Embrace a Learning Mindset – Commit to ongoing learning, whether through formal education, reading, or engaging with new information. Make sure that you apply what you learn. Understanding that growth is a continuous process will shift your focus from needing to know everything and have all the answers to being open to learning new insights and perspectives from others, or even building solutions with others.

Seek Mentorship or External Expertise – When you don’t know the answer to something, reaching out for advice from mentors, colleagues, or external experts can provide valuable guidance. Building a network of trusted advisors will help you feel supported and equipped to navigate the unknown.

Experiment and Iterate – Rather than waiting for the perfect solution, approach challenges with a mindset of experimentation. Try different approaches, learn from your mistakes, and refine strategies. This process will build your resilience and encourage a proactive attitude toward problem-solving.

By adopting the mindset of "I will find out," you can transform moments of uncertainty into opportunities for growth, and become more adaptable, resourceful, and ultimately better equipped to lead.

Remember, the willingness to ask questions and seek out answers is a hallmark of a thriving leader. Great leadership is not about having all the answers, but about the courage to confront difficult questions, the resilience to explore solutions, and the humility to learn along the way. When you approach uncertainty with a mindset of exploration, you open the door to continuous improvement—not just for yourself, but for your team and organization as well.

Until next time, keep thriving!

Alina Florea

Your Management Performance Coach 

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_SUMMARY

_{"I don’t know" can be a hidden barrier to growth and effective leadership. While it’s natural to face uncertainty, relying on this phrase too often can prevent managers from confronting challenges, learning from mistakes, and taking ownership of decisions. We dive into the psychological factors behind this response, such as fear of failure, cognitive overload, and the desire to maintain control. These habits may provide short-term comfort but ultimately hinder the leadership development needed to thrive in today’s complex business environment.}

_{Shifting from "I don’t know" to "I will find out" unlocks a wealth of growth opportunities. This mindset encourages managers to embrace uncertainty, ask more questions, and explore creative solutions. In the article, we provide actionable strategies to help leaders develop this new approach, including self-reflection, continuous learning, and seeking mentorship. By changing your response to uncertainty, you can transform it into a powerful tool for personal and professional development, enhancing both your leadership capabilities and your team's performance.}