The Illusion of "I Am Fine!"

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1. "I Am Fine!" – The Start of a Deeper Issue

When I ask managers how they’re doing, the answer often comes as the standard, “I am fine!”

But in many cases, minutes later, their shoulders drop, a sigh escapes, and I hear:

… “Just there are so many things on my plate.”

… “Just got out of a meeting with my boss, and he gave me another project. I don’t know when I’ll get it done.”

… “But I can’t shake the feeling that I’m being pulled in a million different directions.”

… “Only that I keep getting new tasks from another VP, and I don’t see how to prioritise them. I also feel he’s stepping on my toes.”

… “But the CEO has so many pretensions as if he doesn’t understand what kind of company we have.”

There are countless variations of this. I bet you’ve said one such “I am fine” yourself recently, am I right?

We all have. I did it too when I was a manager, probably more than once. We convince ourselves it’s just a phase that will pass.

But here’s the truth: “I am fine!” is often a statement that signals deeper concerns to experienced ears. Beneath the surface, things aren’t fine at all. Instead, chances are high that the manager is grappling with internal struggles that can lead to reduced performance, diminished motivation, compromised well-being, and burnout.

These hidden struggles need to be acknowledged and addressed. The sooner a manager recognizes them, the faster they can take action to restore balance and thrive.

2. Common Situations Across Managerial Levels

The response “I am fine” is common across all levels of management, but the challenges it conceals vary significantly depending on the manager's position within the organizational hierarchy. While the words may sound similar, the struggles beneath them differ in scope and complexity.

First-Line Manager: Feeling the Weight of the Day-to-Day

For first-line managers, “I am fine” often masks the overwhelming pressures of daily operations. They are the first point of contact for their team, tasked with handling operational issues, ensuring work is completed, and resolving conflicts.

Example: "I am fine, but there’s just so much happening in my team. I’m constantly putting out fires."

Caught in a relentless cycle of tactical problems, they rarely have the space to think strategically. Admitting they are struggling may feel like acknowledging inadequacy or a lack of capability, which adds to the burden.

Middle Manager: Squeezed Between Senior Management and Their Team

Middle managers face the dual challenge of meeting the demands of upper management while supporting their team. They often find themselves translating strategic goals into actionable plans while also dealing with execution.

Example: "I am fine, but since morning, I haven’t had a sip of water. I’ve been in meetings explaining to the Projects Director why my team couldn’t deliver more at the last deadline."

These conflicting priorities create a constant state of tension. Balancing expectations from above with the realities of their team’s capacity can leave middle managers feeling overextended, yet reluctant to express their struggles openly.

Senior Manager/Executive: The Weight of High Stakes and Isolation

Senior managers and executives often use “I am fine” to mask the high stakes and isolation of their roles. They bear responsibility for shaping the organization’s direction and making critical decisions, often under intense scrutiny.

Example: "I am fine," followed by a heavy silence. "The board expects results, but no one can guarantee this decision is bulletproof."

At this level, vulnerability can feel like a risk. The fear of not meeting expectations or second-guessing decisions often prevents senior leaders from acknowledging their doubts.

Even CEOs face their own version of “I am fine”:

Example: "I am fine! ... I feel somehow that I’m losing touch with what’s happening inside the company while focusing so much on the outside world."

Isolation is particularly profound at the top. Without peers to confide in, CEOs may suppress their concerns, even when questioning their leadership or decisions.

A Defense Mechanism with Consequences

By now, it’s clear that “I am fine” is often a defence mechanism—a way to avoid vulnerability. In leadership, where there’s immense pressure to stay in control and appear competent, admitting that things aren’t fine can feel like a crack in the armour.

Many managers fear that showing vulnerability will be seen as a weakness, leading to judgment or doubts about their capability. This fear often prevents them from seeking the support they truly need—whether from their team, peers, or a coach. It’s not always about pride or ego; for many, it’s about survival in a high-pressure environment where their reputation is on the line.

Yet every manager, at every level, faces moments of uncertainty or overwhelm. Acknowledging this—even to themselves—can feel deeply unsettling, so they avoid it at all costs. Instead, the “I am fine” response becomes an easy way out, keeping discomfort at bay while leaving deeper issues unresolved.

What If They Really Are Fine?

Some may wonder: What if that manager is genuinely fine? This is certainly possible, likely because, at some point, these managers intentionally planted seeds for their professional and personal growth. These seeds have borne fruit, sustaining them for now. But this reserve won’t last forever. Without consistently planting new seeds of growth, those resources will eventually run out, leaving them vulnerable to the pressures of leadership.

3. It’s Okay Not to Be Okay

Feeling overwhelmed, uncertain, or unsure of how to handle challenges is a familiar experience in management. It’s normal to encounter situations, projects, markets, or geographies that are entirely new. These moments of discomfort are not only expected but also integral to the growth process.

Every manager—whether they are new to leadership, transitioning into a higher role, or leading from the top—faces moments when they don’t feel "okay." These moments don’t indicate a lack of competence or capability but reflect the natural complexity of leadership and growth.

The real problem arises when "I am fine" becomes a way to avoid addressing what’s truly needed. For instance, a manager overwhelmed by an unmanageable workload might say, "I am fine," instead of acknowledging their stress. While this rationalization may provide temporary relief and help them power through immediate challenges, over time, it becomes a harmful habit. Avoidance can prevent managers from recognizing when they need support, learning new approaches, or adopting healthier habits, ultimately leading to burnout or stagnation.

Consistently rationalizing away challenges also hinders meaningful self-reflection. Managers might convince themselves that certain issues aren’t important, aren’t their responsibility, or that they’re fully in control—when in reality, deeper struggles might be at play. These could range from a disconnect with their team, difficulty in prioritizing tasks, or even feelings of isolation in their role. Ignoring such issues not only stifles growth but also erodes confidence and effectiveness over time.

The truth is, it’s okay not to be okay. Admitting that you feel uncertain, out of your depth, or simply not at your best isn’t a sign of weakness. It’s a demonstration of ethical maturity, intellectual honesty, and self-awareness. Leaders who embrace this reality are more likely to seek support, identify solutions, and ultimately emerge stronger.

By shifting from the "I am fine" rationalization to openly discussing challenges or areas for improvement, managers create a foundation for growth. Vulnerability allows leaders to identify their pain points and address them constructively. This courage to admit that "something isn’t fine" doesn’t diminish their competence. On the contrary, it restores balance and equips them to tackle the real issues with clarity and strength.

True leadership lies in self-awareness, honesty, and the willingness to seek support and make changes. Moving beyond the façade of “I am fine” is the first step toward personal and professional transformation. Acknowledging challenges not only strengthens leadership but also paves the way for lasting growth and fulfilment.

4. Coaching: The Key to Restoring Balance and Unlocking Potential

Acknowledging that things “could be better” is the first step toward real growth and improvement.

If you’ve made it to this point, congratulations—you’re already ahead of those who are just “fine.” Something in you recognizes that this might be for you. Give yourself 10 more minutes and answer these questions with great honesty:

• What am I avoiding by saying, "I am fine"?
• What is one challenge I’ve minimized that deserves my attention?
• If I were truly thriving, what would look different in my leadership today?
• What feedback have I been hesitant to seek or accept?
• How am I investing in my growth as a leader right now?

Your first instinctive answers are the ones worth exploring further.

For managers caught in the cycle of rationalization, where "I am fine" is the default response, coaching provides a path to break free, regain clarity, and restore balance. Coaching isn’t about offering advice or ready-made solutions; it’s about empowering you to uncover your challenges, discover solutions, and develop the skills necessary for effective leadership.

Coaching creates a safe, judgment-free environment where managers can unpack their struggles. Whether it’s feeling overwhelmed, stuck, lacking direction, navigating tension with key stakeholders, or managing transitions, coaching helps pinpoint what’s truly holding you back. More importantly, it equips you with tools to address those challenges while fostering emotional resilience and self-awareness. Through coaching, moments of uncertainty become opportunities for growth, evolution, and transformation.

Over the last 7 years, I’ve had over 2,500 conversations with managers across all levels of the organizational hierarchy. I’ve heard their worries, hopes, fears, and struggles—and celebrated their breakthroughs and successes. Drawing from these experiences, I’ve designed four tailored coaching programs to support managers like you at every stage of leadership. Take a moment to explore which one suits your current phase in life and career. Hundreds of managers have already experienced the transformative benefits—now it’s your turn!

Growth Mindset for New Managers

A program focused on helping first-time managers develop the mindset and skills necessary to embrace challenges, navigate team dynamics, and build confidence in their new role.

The Manager Mindset Coaching Package

Designed for middle managers, this program helps them shift from operational problem-solving to strategic thinking, enhancing their ability to lead with impact.

The Executive Mindset

Tailored for senior leaders, this program focuses on high-stakes decision-making, strategic leadership, and creating lasting impact at the organizational level.

Master Your Resilience Coaching Program

This program helps managers build emotional resilience, manage stress effectively, and maintain well-being in high-pressure environments.

These programs address the specific challenges managers face at different levels, offering clarity, confidence, and skills to succeed. Coaching isn’t just about solving immediate problems; it’s about fostering long-term growth and emotional strength and unlocking new leadership potential.

If you’re ready to move beyond “I am fine” and truly thrive, consider exploring one of these coaching programs. Together, we can accelerate reaching the desired performance in life, understand what might hold you back, restore your balance, and empower you to lead with confidence and authenticity. Your journey to thriving can start through having a discovery call with me. I’m here to support you every step of the way. 

I invite you to reach out for a deeper discussion on the journey to truly feel good.

Until next time, keep thriving!

Alina Florea

Your Management Performance Coach

P.S. Your Year-End Review assessment is still waiting for you! Download the questionnaire today and take the first step toward a clearer, more focused 2025!  Completing it will give you a fresh perspective on the progress you want to achieve this year! Make your personal development a priority  - it's a commitment you owe to yourself and your growth!

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_SUMMARY

_{“I am fine” often hides the struggles managers face, from daily overwhelm to the isolation of leadership. This phrase becomes a defence mechanism, masking challenges that, left unaddressed, can lead to burnout or stagnation. Admitting difficulties is not a weakness but a crucial step toward growth.}

_{Coaching offers a safe space to unpack these hidden struggles, fostering clarity, resilience, and self-awareness. It empowers managers to overcome uncertainty, shift perspectives, and build the skills needed to thrive. By embracing vulnerability, leaders unlock their potential and pave the way for lasting success.}