Life Is Not a Problem Set

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Introduction

A few days ago, I listened to Sam Altman during an interview with Stanford, discussing the potential of AI. You can find the interview [HERE]. At minute 36:06, while explaining the complex structure of OpenAI, Altman remarked something that sparked deep reflection: "Life is not a problem set!"

This newsletter delves into three key mindset differences between merely managing successfully and truly supporting a successful life.

Many managers perceive life as a series of problems needing solutions, measuring their worth by their ability to tackle complex issues. Excelling as a problem solver at work often leads to viewing all life's aspects through a similar lens, a mindset effective in business but potentially limiting in personal growth and satisfaction. While certain life situations benefit from managerial skills, a fulfilling life often requires capabilities beyond problem-solving. Understanding and embracing these differences can enrich and balance our existence.

Here are the three main mindset differences I'd like to highlight.

1. Simplifying for Solutions vs. Embracing Complexity

In management, we typically break down problems into smaller, manageable components to devise straightforward solutions—essential for organizational success. However, life itself is inherently complex and not all issues can be "solved". Embracing this complexity allows for a deeper understanding and appreciation of life's nuances. The richest life experiences often stem from navigating its ambiguities and learning to live with unresolved matters.

Consider planning a family vacation. As a project manager, you might be tempted to optimize the itinerary, control costs, and meticulously manage every half hour. While these skills are invaluable in the boardroom, they might detract from your family's experience. The true value of life often emerges not from the efficiency of our plans but from the unexpected joys and challenges that arise when things don't go as planned.

For instance, what if it rains and beach day turns into an impromptu session of storytelling and laughter in a cosy cafe? Or imagine during a meticulously planned trip, your children are captivated by the landscape, stopping to photograph every stone, flower, and butterfly. These spontaneous, imperfect moments are often the most cherished, adding flavour and lasting memories to any vacation.

Or, think about leading your team through a major business transition, such as pivoting your company's business model. You'd likely employ structured problem-solving: define the issue, brainstorm solutions, implement them, and review the results. 

Would you apply the same method at home to manage, for example, your relationship with your teenage children? Instead of insisting on immediate corrections when they fail to meet expectations, what if you chose to listen more and explore their perspectives without rushing to solve the 'problem'? This isn't about overlooking challenges but rather recognizing the complex nature of personal relationships, which cannot be streamlined like corporate projects or processes.

2. Success Metrics: Shifting from Quantitative to Qualitative

In business, managers are often steered by metrics and KPIs—clear, quantifiable indicators that gauge whether we're on track to meet our goals. This approach is indispensable in a structured environment where progress needs to be measured and communicated definitively. Management success is frequently quantified in terms of profits, metrics, and completion rates, which serve as concrete benchmarks of performance.

However, once we step outside our office walls, do these same metrics adequately capture the essence of success in life? Unlike professional achievements, personal success might be better assessed through qualitative metrics such as happiness, relationships, and personal fulfilment. These factors focus less on solving problems and more on personal growth.

Consider this scenario: as a CEO, you've just led your management team to surpass quarterly targets—a clear quantitative triumph. Now, contrast this with qualitative success in your personal life, like a weekend spent reconnecting with old friends or quality time with your family, undisturbed by work's demands. These moments aren't quantified but are deeply felt through the laughter shared, stories exchanged, and bonds strengthened.

Moreover, you can integrate a qualitative approach into your professional life as well. Let's make this practical. Imagine you're managing a complex project. Instead of focusing solely on deadlines and budget (quantitative measures), you also take time to appreciate and recognize the creative process, team dynamics, and individual development (qualitative measures). For instance, you might note a team member who has demonstrated exceptional creativity or another who has significantly grown in their role. Acknowledging these accomplishments in team meetings or individual discussions not only boosts morale but also cultivates a culture of holistic success, where the journey is as valued as the destination.

While we cannot completely set aside quantitative metrics in management, we can enrich them by incorporating qualitative insights. This blend creates an environment where people feel valued not only for the results they produce but also for their unique contributions—contributions that, while not always measurable, are profoundly significant.

3. Control vs. Adaptability

One of our primary roles in management involves controlling outcomes. We set strategies, enforce policies, and monitor processes to ensure that our teams and projects align with organizational goals. This sense of control is often crucial in navigating the complexities of business.

However, life is inherently unpredictable. Excessive control over personal matters can lead to frustration and disappointment. Adaptability - the ability to respond flexibly to unexpected situations - is often a more practical approach in personal life than striving to maintain strict control.

When we carry over this need for control into our personal lives, it can result in rigidity and stress, rather than harmony and understanding. Consider the dynamic environment of your personal life: family needs to evolve, friendships shift, and personal aspirations grow. 

These aspects require a level of flexibility that often conflicts with the rigid frameworks we employ in our corporate roles. For instance, imagine your child is exploring career options that diverge from your visions of success. While the managerial instinct might be to steer them toward a "safer" path, embracing adaptability means supporting their exploration and recognizing that success can take many forms.

The same principle applies even within the workplace. To illustrate, let's consider a scenario where you're faced with an unexpected shift in market conditions—a challenge that your current business model isn't equipped to handle. Rather than rigidly adhering to the original plan, adaptability would involve reassessing the situation, engaging your team in open dialogue, and pivoting strategies as necessary. This flexible approach not only aids in effectively managing business uncertainties but also reduces the stress that comes from trying to control the uncontrollable.

In both life and business, the ability to adapt is invaluable. It allows us to respond to the unexpected with grace and resilience, turning potential disruptions into opportunities for growth and learning. This doesn't mean abandoning control altogether but rather understanding when to lead with a firm hand and when to navigate with a gentle touch.

Conclusion

 While management skills are invaluable, they are not a one-size-fits-all solution for life’s challenges. By recognizing and adopting different mindsets for professional and personal spheres, managers can lead more balanced and fulfilling lives. Are you aware of how often you apply management skills to manage life circumstances?

I invite you to take the next week to reflect on areas of your life where you might be applying a ‘problem-solving’ mentality too rigorously. Consider what those circumstances are calling for. Here are five self-reflection questions to guide your exploration:

1. What aspects of my personal life am I managing rather than experiencing?

Reflect on whether you're truly present in your experiences or if you find yourself constantly in a mode of assessment and adjustment, much like a project manager with a checklist.

2. How do I react when things don’t go according to plan?

Think about a recent instance where a personal situation deviated from your planned or expected path. Did you feel compelled to immediately rectify it, or were you able to accept the situation as it unfolded?

3. What are the qualitative successes in my life, and how often do I acknowledge them?

Consider the non-measurable achievements in your life, such as deepening relationships or personal growth. How do you celebrate or recognize these moments?

4. In what ways can I foster adaptability in my approach to challenges that don’t require a direct solution?

Identify a current challenge that doesn’t need a straightforward solution but rather an adaptive approach. How can you shift your perspective to better accommodate this?

5. What would happen if I let go of control in an area where I usually maintain a tight grip?

Choose an aspect of your life or work where you exert significant control. Imagine the scenarios that could unfold if you loosened your grip. What are the potential positives that could emerge from this change?

Use these questions to probe deeper into how you can differentiate the invaluable management skills you’ve honed from the equally important, yet often neglected, skills needed for personal fulfilment and happiness. Reflect on these distinctions and consider how adopting a more adaptable, experience-oriented approach could enrich your life beyond the office.

Embrace the complexities, focus on qualitative successes, and practice adaptability to gain new insights and satisfaction. As Søren Kierkegaard famously said:

"Life is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be experienced."

If you resonated with this article and already noticed in your life the impact of over-using your managing skills in other life sectors, let's talk and see how can we bring more fulfilment, enjoyment and happiness into your life.

Until next time, keep thriving!

Alina Florea

Your Management Performance Coach 

How can I support you?

By choosing an individual coaching program (1:1) you receive a highly customized approach, tailored precisely to your unique needs, challenges, and professional aspirations. It supports you to become the confident and performant manager you know you can be, faster and with less stress. In coaching, you will gain a thinking partner outside your organization, with whom you can explore ideas, test plans and ways of being, and learn to nurture healthier responses to life and professional triggers.

Ready to speed up even more your personal development journey? Then you are a good match for "Master Your Resilience" - a program designed to fortify your resilience core, ensuring you remain in command of your choices, actions, and emotions. It enables you in a matter of 2 months to approach situations with new clarity, focus, motivation, and vitality. It strengthens your readiness to listen, your willingness to seek collaborative solutions, and your composed approach to overcoming obstacles. It gives you tools and new perspectives to embrace your role's triggers, challenges and successes with ease and confidence. To indicate your potential interest, fill in the following FORM.

You are always welcome to write back your suggestions on topics for the next articles. Your suggestions keep this newsletter running. Thanks to everyone who offered me ideas for these articles. Please do not forget you can enjoy at any time a complimentary strategy call in case you want to take the topic of this article even into a more in-depth discussion tailored to your particular situation.

Summary:

Managers often apply problem-solving skills inappropriately to their personal lives, where a different approach is beneficial. We discuss the importance of embracing complexity instead of seeking oversimplified solutions, recognizing qualitative successes alongside quantitative metrics, and preferring adaptability over control. These mindset shifts are crucial for managers aiming to balance professional rigour with personal fulfilment. The newsletter invites managers to reflect on their application of management principles in personal settings through five thought-provoking questions, encouraging a more holistic and satisfying approach to both life and leadership.