To Have Balance or To Be Balanced?

Reading time: 5 minutes 

This past weekend, while many of my friends were celebrating Easter (Happy Easter!), I took a break from being active on LinkedIn. I needed to travel, sort out some practical matters, and get ready for a big family gathering. During this time, I had the chance to enjoy wonderful moments with my family and friends. It was a peaceful and fulfilling time, especially because we made the effort to come together, catch up, and spend a lot of time in nature.

On one of our hikes in the mountains close by, I stopped to snap some photos. While I was looking at my phone, I came across a saying on Facebook that spoke to me:

Balance is not something you find; it's something you create

The timing couldn't have been better, and I found myself smiling peacefully, knowing that I have a strong base that helps me stay balanced and bring balance into what I do. I think this is an important message for managers too, as it's a key part of performing well in their roles.

We often find ourselves trying so hard to keep work and personal life separate, as if they're two distinct balls we're juggling — one for "personal" life and one for "professional" life, making sure neither falls. In my coaching sessions, I hear many people talk about how they see life and work as two separate areas that need to be managed differently, almost as if they're two distinct creatures that could harm each other if they come into contact.

For example, some say, "I try to keep work and personal life apart; I make it a point to turn off my phone as soon as I get home." Continuing in a similar vein, some other people say, "My family knows not to call me when I'm at work." They also share their intentions to turn weekends into personal time only, avoiding anything related to work and trying to censor their thoughts on work. Many also try to keep two separate circles of friends—one for work and one for personal life—never mixing the two. They make any attempt possible to leave work thoughts at the office door, making sure all work tasks are completed before a vacation. 

I often ask them, "How does this approach work out for you?"

At this point, many managers realize their good intentions often don't match reality. They find themselves on call during weekends, worried about missing out on something crucial. The anxiety of a sick family member can overshadow a day's work. Weekends, meant for family, are consumed by the need for quiet time to catch up on work because it's the only time they can focus without interruptions. Some have close colleagues who could be friends, but they avoid socializing to keep work and life separate. Checking emails during family dinners turns into an unstoppable habit with associated worries for the next day, and, sometimes, vacations are rarely taken because there's never a "right" time to be away from work.

What becomes evident is that the very strategies managers trust to balance their lives might be tipping the scales the wrong way. Imagine managers as jugglers, trying to keep both their work tasks and home life aloft. They're constantly moving, aiming to keep these aspects separate and in perfect harmony, believing this will smooth out life's complexities. Yet, achieving that perfect balance is as elusive as trying to catch a cloud.

They've misunderstood the goal; in their efforts to maintain strict separation and organization, they're inadvertently throwing their lives more off balance. The quest for balance isn't about discovering a secret formula or reaching a state where everything suddenly falls into place effortlessly.

It's about relaxing the rigid boundaries and allowing work and personal life to merge somewhat, treating them as best friends that respect you and each other, rather than as competitors vying for your energy. Understanding and embracing this concept can be a game-changer for many managers. It transforms perceived obstacles into opportunities, leading to a harmonious life where work and enjoyment coexist seamlessly.

Five Misconcetions About Having Balance

1. Work-Life Separation is Paramount

Many managers, especially those in their early to mid-30s, believe the best way to achieve balance is by clearly separating work and personal life. They think keeping these two worlds apart allows them to fully enjoy each without the stress of having the other creeping in. This means when you shut your laptop or leave the office, work is out of your mind until the next day. However, this strict division might not be the magic solution to finding balance. Life’s responsibilities and joys don’t always fit neatly into boxes, and trying to force them to do so can create more stress.

It’s tough to leave worries about a sick family member or a brilliant work idea at the office door. Our brains are always buzzing with thoughts, and it’s natural for them to wander between work and personal life. We don’t have to act on every thought, but understanding which ones deserve our attention is crucial.

2. More Free/Me Time Always Means More Balance

There’s a common belief that more free time automatically leads to a more balanced life. Sure, extra hours for hobbies, family, and relaxation sound like they would improve life. Yet, balance is more about the quality of activities than the quantity. You might have all the free time in the world and still feel restless or unfulfilled if you’re not doing things that truly bring you joy. Think about that 3-week vacation where your family enjoyed sunbathing while you were hanging over the phone still solving project problems and talking to the client for fear of missing out on important things or that your team will do something wrong in your absence. Feeling off-balance can happen even when you’re free, especially if your mind is elsewhere, worrying about the future.

3. Balance Is a Fixed Destination

Some managers view balance as a high point they can reach and stay at forever. They hope that once they find the perfect routine, they’ll always feel balanced. However, life is full of changes — new people at the job, new projects, new interpersonal dynamics with a different client, new manager, a new job, shifting family dynamics such as having a new kid or kid leaving for university studies, a new personal interest, or unexpected events whether positive or negative. Just think about that rainy summer when your long dreamt hiking finished before starting due to prolonged bad weather. What feels balanced today might not feel the same tomorrow. Seeing balance as a constant state is frustrating because life doesn’t stand still. Balance is about the act of balancing: is more about adapting to changes and finding what works in the moment, rather than achieving a permanent state. When you are balanced, you may get more moments of balance yet you feel you are at peace and have the ease to deal with any situation when transitioning your inner-balance to stillness.

4. Productivity and Balance Are the Same

Many managers carry in them a pattern of personal value associated with getting done a lot of things as if achieving gets you closer to balance. This idea suggests that if you're super productive, you'll clear up more time for personal activities, leading to balance. But equating productivity with balance misses the point. It's not just about doing more in less time; it's about finding value, personal meaning and satisfaction in whatever you are doing, whether work or personal activities. Sometimes, true balance means doing less but getting more out of what you choose to do.

5. Technology Detoxes Solve Everything

Finally, there's a common suggestion that taking breaks from technology - digital detoxes - will magically restore balance in your life. While it's true that constant connectivity can be overwhelming, simply turning off your devices isn't a one-size-fits-all solution. What is the point of stopping something but remaining connected mentally to your social media, torturing yourself with questions about other people or what others are thinking about you for this disappearance? Technology can also connect us to hobbies, friends, and information that enrich our lives. You can set your social media for putting you in contact with meaningful ideas and other people supporting them, instead of wasting your life’s most precious resource: your time on Earth. The key isn't in cutting technology out entirely, rather, it is in learning to use it in ways that contribute positively to your sense of balance and to advancing a more profound meaning of your life in this world.

Wrapping It Up:The Heart of Balance

Finding balance isn't so much about sticking to a strict schedule or dividing your days down to the minute. It's really about filling your time with activities that mean something to you and make you feel fulfilled. It’s about using wise your energy, on things meaningful and important. Therefore, it is also about delegating or saying no, or prioritising things important for you in the long run but more tenuous or difficult in the short run. It's about being flexible enough to accept, allow for and adapt to the changes life throws at you and setting out on a personal exploration to discover what truly makes you happy. Remember, balance is a very personal thing and it shifts as we grow and change. I encourage you to reflect on these thoughts and see how they resonate with your own search for balance.

This journey isn't about finding a one-size-fits-all answer; it's about uncovering that special mix that brings YOU a sense of wholeness and joy. Reaching this state means being open to trying new things and tuning into how these experiences make you feel. Let your emotions guide you. They'll lead you toward a way of living that's more in sync with your definition of balance. If something doesn't feel quite right, it's okay to move on. Trust this process. When you start to feel at peace with how you spend your time, you'll know you're on the right track to finding a balance that truly supports your well-being.

Now, I'd love to turn the spotlight on you. I'm excited to learn about your path to finding balance: the victories, the insights gained along the way, and how you've adapted to meet changing circumstances. Sharing your story could help light the way for someone else striving to find their equilibrium. Feel free to share your experiences, seek advice, or simply ask for a bit of encouragement. If you're looking for deeper understanding, actionable advice, or a bit of inspiration, becoming part of our newsletter community could be exactly what you need. Together, let's explore fresh perspectives and strategies for crafting a balanced life.

For anyone seeking tailored insights, I'm here to offer my support. Book a complimentary call with me to discover how can you find your sources of balance.

Until next time, keep thriving!

Alina Florea

Your Management Performance Coach

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 Summary:

Finding balance in life goes beyond adhering to rigid schedules or meticulously dividing your time. It's about engaging in meaningful activities that fulfill you, being adaptable to changes, and embarking on a personal quest to discover what makes you content. Balance is deeply personal and evolves with you, requiring an open mind to new experiences and attentiveness to your feelings, guiding you towards a lifestyle that aligns with your definition of balance.

As you navigate your journey towards balance, sharing your experiences can light the way for others to seek harmony. Joining a community, seeking personalized guidance, or simply connecting with like-minded individuals can provide the support and inspiration needed. Remember, finding balance is about exploring and embracing what truly brings you peace and well-being.

• Balance is more about meaningful engagement than strict scheduling.
• Being flexible and open to change is crucial in the quest for balance.
• Balance is a personal journey that evolves over time.
• Sharing your balance journey can inspire and guide others.
• Support and inspiration can be found in community and personalized guidance.