How Do You Measure Success
24.09.2022
Read time: 5 minutes
This Thursday, I let myself down. Caught in many details of arranging an event, I realized Thursday evening that I failed the promise to have my newsletter delivered to you Thursday after work.
I was not at peace! I know from some of you that you look forward to receiving it, and I felt I let at least some of you down.
A second thought made its way up, too. I realized I was not at peace because I let myself down by having broken a promise I made to myself: to offer the people I care, a newsletter on the topic of mindset growth for management success.
Suddenly, I realized I was doing to myself exactly what I am advising you not to do in my Master Your Resilience program: I just left myself invaded by my saboteurs and left them to play freely with my mind !!!
Just for you to have a glimpse of how it looked and felt like, I share with you my experience.
I was judging myself. My Judge, installed on its throne over my shoulder, was constantly whispering to me:
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You failed in your promise. It is 6:00 PM Thursday, and you are not prepared to deliver.
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You have no value whatsoever.
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Others will see you failing and will lose the trust they have in you.
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You are such a bad person for letting others down.
My Judge was not alone. It invited its complices.
The Controller looked in reproach at the watch and screamed: “It is Thursday, 6 PM, and you do not have the article to post!” (And I did feel the pinch of anxiety.)
To underline this, I felt the Judge pushing the Hyper-Achiever to shout about my lack of value and to forecast my future failure.
And in my mind, I saw you, the far-away readers, pointing at me and shouting: Loser!
All this was happening to the great satisfaction of my Judge and the frustration of my Hyper-Achiever.
At this point, my Pleaser came in, too, and in agreement with my Judge, they concluded I am a lousy person.
I sat for fifteen minutes inside this battle and felt shame, guilt, and disappointment. I found myself without air and realized I need breathing deeply, which I did. And this brought me a bit of calm and clarity.
It became clear to me I measured my success in the wrong way.
My initial objective was to have a newsletter with weekly issuance. I just wanted to keep in touch weekly with you and share from experience topics that you might immediately apply to increase your well-being and success in your life.
So why, after all, can’t I send this letter on Friday or Saturday? You may find the topics relevant for you irrespective of the day or the hour you receive my newsletter, isn’t it?
So, what does it matter here? To deliver it by 6 pm, Thursdays over the week? Or to keep in touch with you weekly and share something that I believe has value?
I could see my lie: if I do not do it this way, it means failure. And, mindfully, I voted for the second one.
When living this inner dialogue, I realized several things:
1. The way we measure success counts, not only in our big enterprises but also in our small acts.
At the beginning of my newsletter project, my measure of success was: I am successful if I deliver weekly a letter to you.
I realized that, in time, my initial success criteria changed, and a nuance of it crept in: I am successful if I deliver by 6 PM every Thursday.
Of course, this second definition does not help me in the long term. In any week, there can be things outside my control. And I need to accept that, sometime, I will not be in a position to issue this newsletter by this self-imposed deadline. There is no need to feel disappointed and disheartened. In this case, “by 6 PM” is just a meaningless detail.
Sticking to it irrespective of what is just a recipe for filling my energy reserve with negativity, with the consequence of killing my inner motivation.
It is as if I set myself for lack of success in the long run by sticking to this second definition.
2. Thinking Saboteurs are far more present than one can imagine.
In everything we do or do not do, in every choice we make or avoid making, in every way we approach, consciously or not, situations in our life.
The higher the stakes about our future career or progression in life, the more often we will feel their visit.
In management, managers often take saboteur-related clues as reliable input data for their decisions. And to their surprise, they find themselves afterward worse off, inclined towards, sometimes, irreversible actions due to the lack of motivation they create themselves.
3. We are always prone to episodes of self-sabotaging
Even though we are intellectually prepared and know about these saboteurs, they will show up. It is an unfair expectation to believe we will get rid of them. Their role is to point towards danger. And, at times, they will point out aspects you want to consider and act on it.
The way you still want to feel the physical pain (because not feeling exposes you to a higher risk of hurting yourself), the same way you want to at least check in with your saboteurs, since sometimes they may point you in the right direction of action.
The difference is in how you would handle a saboteur attack. A resilient mind will always intercept them faster by recognizing them, demystifying their lies, and will recover emotionally faster from their attack. Which in fact, is a self-inflicted one.
Therefore, here I am Saturday afternoon, sharing with you my recent encounter with my Thinking Saboteurs, in the hope you find it useful.
In the end, I invite you to ask yourself:
- How often do you apply a similar thinking pattern in your life, whether at home or work?
- Is there any objective you wanted to bring into your life that you could not sustain in the long term?
- How did you measure your success in doing it?
- In that experience, how did your criteria for success help you (or not) remain motivated?
- Can you find another way to measure your success that will create more motivation in you?
On October 25th, a new group of 5 people will start my 7-week group coaching program, Master Your Resilience, based on Positive Intelligence© and the PQ App. I invite you to be part of this program. You will learn the basis for intercepting your thinking saboteurs, neutralizing their negative impact, and shifting toward a positive outlook on life with clarity and focus.
You can enroll at any time in the program here. Once enrolled, I will follow up with you to set the logistics of starting.
If you are still on the fence not knowing whether it is also for you, download the details of the program here.
If this letter resonates with you, write me back. Let’s have a strategy call and work out your plan to build your resilience.
Until next time, remain safe and sage!
💥🎉 That’s pretty much all for today 💥🎉
SUMMARY
- Chances are we are unknowingly entertaining daily an inner dialogue with our Thinking Saboteurs
- Thinking Saboteurs are not all the time bad, but when we are unaware of what they represent, we take clues from them even when that would harm us and our long-term success
- One of the triggers of our Thinking Saboteurs can be the way we measure success
- A trained mind in intercepting the Thinking Saboteur will recover faster and, therefore, will be able to move ahead with clarity and purpose
- Master Your Resilience is my 7-week group coaching program based on Positive Intelligence scheduled to start on October 25th, guiding you to intercept and neutralize your thinking saboteurs and shift towards a positive outlook in your life while allowing yourself to feel your emotions and discern their message to you. Details on the program can be downloaded here.
- Enroll in the program, I am looking forward to working together and building your resilience.
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Cheers,
Alina,
Your mindset trainer
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