What is special about a coaching conversation?

Many managers researching whether coaching will work for them have this question:

What makes the coaching conversation so special?

They already have a good support system: friends with similar interests,  very understanding families,  managers or mentors in the working place, and cannot see how different a professional coaching conversation is from what they already benefit.

My short answer is: coaching conversations - when done professionally - are an empowering tool. The client receiving it will leave the conversation clear, lighter, with a refreshed or rediscovered sense of purpose and motivation, knowing they have inside themselves the strengths, the power, the knowledge, and the wisdom to succeed.

Managers entering a coaching program with me do so because all their recent past attempts to reach the goals they thought they have, failed or led them to some form of near failure (burnout, eroded relationships, career blocakges, extreme pressure, falling short self expectations, etc). And they realised they need to do something different, but do not have the clarity about what or towards what they would be better off to move forward, nor the energy or call to act on it. 

They are very much aware about what they are running from and what they want to avoid. In their attempt to find a solution they had discussions with friends, family and even mentors at job, however they remain attached to the sphere of elements they want to avoid, without showing interest, commitment or courage for moving ahead. They persist in their lack motivation and energy, while entertaining these discussions  just makes them feel even worse.

So, how can another simple conversation turn the perceived reality for a client so that the client feels empowered?

First of all a coaching conversation is not just an ordinary conversation. Any coaching discussion is guided by coach so that to act as a process of discovery, a process of learning, and a process of connectivity of the client with themselves.

The coach is just the facilitator, the tool through whom the client discovers their own way of thinking and acting, learns about what is not useful for them to continue to maintain or use, connects with their own way of thinking and acting, learns about what is useful and what not, and makes informed choices.  

So, why is coaching conversation empowering?

1. Because it is about exploration and experimenting

I believe the root of anyone's power is in the clarity they have for what is important and meaningful for them to do, obtain, accomplish or reach. 

A coaching discussion is a place of exploration and experimentation.

It is the best place for the client to get rid of anything obfuscating their view of their own direction and goals. As it happens in this process, the client often learns that not all the goals they retained for themselves were actually theirs, and can now see and understand how the additional ones got implanted with their tacit acceptance, without adding any meaningful value for them.

It is also a place where the client visualises what success means and decides on alternative formulations for it or for different ways to measure it.

Definitely it is the place where the client finally sees what stands in their way: understands how they actually do themselves a disservice through maintaining or entertaining certain ways of thinking and behaving.

A coaching discussion is also a place where the client connects themselves with what or how they feel about current and desired reality, and understands also how some of their thinking and behaving patterns are just emotional coping mechanisms allowing them to survive living close to the reality they actually want to avoid. The view might not be pleasant, however it comes with a great relief for the client. 

Coaching discussions have the immediate effect of bringing clarity, making room for huge awareness of what else has been present all along but not previously seen by the client. 

It is reassuring to see what is actually in that dark room you did not dare to enter for quite a while, and to find out now that whatever is there is still manageable. Empowering isn’t it?

2. Because it reinforces client’s emotional connection with what is meaningful in their life, enhancing thus the desire for engagement into action and commitment to it

Often managers believe their emotions are just a nuisance and choose not to listen to them. But emotions have a very precise role: they are the binder between idea and action and they help us store energy.

Many coaching clients start the coaching program with a strong desire for receiving motivation. As if motivation comes from external sources and what they need is only to find such external reservoir and connect to them. And I see their focus is out there, trying to find their next “source of motivation” from where to consume.

Unfortunately, this is not the way motivation works. The only reliable way to find a source of motivation is from within. Otherwise, always in the hunt for an external source, our power becomes the currency with which we buy motivation. And we give it away by putting our energy and focus in chasing that external source to the point of self exhaustion.

A coaching conversation helps the client connect their emotions to a larger purpose they have for themselves in life. During the coaching conversation the client has the possibility to clean the nature of the emotions (would you like to sit on your own reservoir filled with fury, fear or frustration?) and to connect from a more positive perspective to the goals they chose to keep as theirs.

Moreover, a well guided conversation will make the client see their inner strengths and powers with whom they can engage in moving forward, and the fact that those elements have been there all along, even put at good use in situations happening earlier in the client's life.   

This is one of the most empowering discoveries for the client: not only do they see they have now everything they need to move forward towards their goals, but those strengths and powers were there all along. Even if they are rusty, even if it took a bit to be found, these strengths and powers do not go anywhere, they are still inside waiting for being put to good use!  This is very empowering for the client, too!

3. Because it builds momentum not only within any one conversation, but also from one conversation to another.

Coaching conversations are also a space where the client experiments with different alternatives. Every little success will feed a virtuous circle of growing confidence. Clients will make even more daring choices and will engage their focus and  energy in making them work. 

This is the main reason why in a fairly short term, coaching clients are able to elevate their perspectives, shifting their way of approaching situations which not long ago seemed fairly difficult or bringing frustration to the client. 

This shift allows the client to BE differently: manifesting, showing up, speaking, listening, reacting, behaving, facing, confronting, tackling or even choosing with way more ease the challenges, than previously. 

Coaching conversations have an important role in supporting the client while embedding and integrating a new identity, maintaining alive the awareness of the client on what needs their focus, their energy and their commitment. Coaches do that by keeping the client accountable on their chosen transition, stimulating their engagement, celebrating every successful step, modelling awareness, focus, empathy, accountability for their client.

At this point, the coaching conversation has the Client in the driver seat, aware of their resources, aware of risks, aware of direction, aware of the road pitfalls, aware of how they are better off managing their focus and energy. They are in power! They discovered a productive and successful way to empower themselves!

Explore. Experiment. Elevate. Embed. Empower. 

Five words I built my vision on. They give me the motivation and the empowerment to bring about useful and positive change, one mindset at a time! Starting with mine!

In case you would like to test the power of the coaching comversation, I encourage you to book your complementary, free 90-minute discovery discussion: click here or visit my website in this respect.