10 Myths and misconceptions about coaching

Last week I was talking here about the main differences between coaching, mentoring, consulting, training and counselling in my attempt to clarify the differences and what is specific to each of them.

Today I bring another topic on which I see many managers stumble: myths and misconceptions about executive coaching.

So, I made for you a collection and listed them together with a bit of the context in which I received the client's concern or question below.

1. I am very busy. I am afraid coaching will take lots of time

This is usually the main concern used by managers before starting a coaching program, either when they seek coaching themselves or are offered coaching by their organisation. These managers do not have yet identified a specific coaching topic, they seem to have lost their drive and direction, and know what they want to avoid.

Anything worthwhile takes an investment of time, and time spent with a coach is an investment in yourself. You need to be aware that executive clients who have not gone through any formal coaching program need, depending on the sessions' frequency, 1 to 2 months to settle themselves in the program and allow themselves to fully be part of it. 

Our coaching program would use a frequency of 2 sessions a month for the first 3 months, one session every 3 weeks the next 3 months. Beyond this period we will decide at that moment according to your needs.

There is no homework involved or associated with coaching. Therefore, most probably your coaching program will mean cumulatively 15 coaching hours spread along a maximum of 1 year, which makes 7‰ of your total working time during one year. 

At the same time, in the absence of coaching helping you to redefine for yourself what a productive mindset is and to learn how to live according to it, there will be much more time spent unproductively at work with conflicts, dilemmas, guilt, regret, indecision, feeling overwhelmed.

Looking from this perspective, is that too much time to spend on your own professional development given that in the end you will save a lot of time and energy in your future interactions? 

2. Coaching is just for people with problems. 

This objection I usually encounter with the managers for whom senior management decided to bring in coaching, often in respect of an attitude of the candidate that impacts negatively over their credibility and performance. However, this objection I also encountered in connection with managers searching themselves to unlock their potential and being concerned that allowing themselves into such a program would be read and interpreted as a sign of vulnerability.

A coach reads in their client a partner with an endless source or inner resources. For a coach her client is not a case that needs a fix, but a human being with all potential, knowledge and experience present and necessary for finding their own direction and their own way to move forward. Coaches spend large amounts of time in preparing their listening and reframing skills so that to be able to maintain their questions and statements offered back to the client, clean of any form of judgement or imposed solution. Coaching space is one where trust and safety is prevalent and it is the responsibility of the coach to lay such an environment fast and effectively for their client.

Furthermore, coaching works best for motivated performers who want to achieve even more or who may feel “stuck” in certain areas of performance or behaviour. Seeing that many of the most renowned FTSE 100 and the Fortune 100 top leaders have their own coaches is proof that - when done professionally - it advances and enhances the performance of the respective client. 

Coaching is often used to support good performers who are facing difficult challenges. Leaders moving into new roles with greater responsibility are avid users of coaching. Leaders who become aware themselves that their own mindset - i.e. what of thinking, way of making sense of the world, way of reacting - is damaging to their career progress and want to shift to something bringing them progress and success.

Coaching is less successful as a last-ditch effort to “save” someone. Poor performers tend not to take coaching seriously and may even resist being coached. They rarely deliver a good return on the coaching investment. And coaching is not a substitute for managing. It is the manager's responsibility to help staff perform at their best, so if someone is underperforming because they do not have direction, support or appropriate training from their manager, coaching would be ineffective and so is unsuitable. 

This last bit needs to be thoroughly understood by each company or company sponsor who decides to bring and offer coaching to one of their leaders or leadership teams. 

Should a company decide to offer coaching for significant shifts in how certain managers understand their role and act in it, both the sponsor and the client will make a team in which they agree personal development objectives for the manager who will be receiving the coaching directly. If such is the case, the coach will be facilitating this session too. Nevertheless, what will be discussed during the coaching sessions will remain confidential and the coach will not pass this information to the sponsor or any other representative of the sponsor, unless otherwise agreed with the direct client (i.e. the manager receiving the coaching directly).

3. I already had a mentoring program. Mentoring and coaching, the same thing!

This objection I usually encounter with the managers supported by the organisational c-suite to access a larger management role or to accept a period of on-the-job preparation of even 1 to 2 years, for a future senior management role with quite large responsibility, role playing a great impact over the organisation’s performance. In this position, my client already received in-house mentors, either the senior manager who is the current incumbent of that job but soon to retire or other future peer-senior managers with whom my coaching client will soon work and collaborate.

While such an in-house mentor is the “sage on the stage” he or she belongs to the same system, i.e. the organisation, and both are not only the product of the same organisation but they both do their best to fit and remain as much as possible in it. Mentoring is usually informal, open-ended and intended to provide advice and answers to practical questions about the organisation. The dynamics between mentor and their manager mentee might be driven by some - unseen to both of them - power dynamics, meaning that the manager in line for accession might limit or restrain himself or herself in verbalising concerns, showing vulnerability, acting authentically in various situations dictated by their future role, for the fear of losing face or not being considered good enough and/or loosing the support of their mentor.

Usually senior managers are aware of this downside of the in-house mentoring and, therefore, will bring in an external, neutral executive coach to act as the “guide on your side”. Coaching has clearly defined goals, time limits and mutual accountabilities and these can cover sensitive (to you) aspects such as your behaviour, your (hard to recognise) short or long term aspirations, your state of mind and how you experience your entire transitioning process. 

Professional executive coaches don’t give you answers nor tell you what to do; they help you discover answers for yourself. 

4. Executive coaching is only for C-suite leaders. 

This objection I usually encounter with the either middle or first time managers who realises that they benefited from a lot of mentoring or training but they still think they are not enough, however fail to look in the direction of coaching as if being a non-legitimate choice for them.  Moreover, it is a narrative I meet with coaching sponsors or HR departments with limited HR budgets, using it to discourage the legitimate internal request they receive from their middle or line management.

My experience with executive coaching teaches me differently. I benefited from executive coaching both when in my role of managing director I was the client, and in the role of sponsor when I brought coaching in the company and offered it to the senior managers whom I hired to run the company with. 

It is my deep belief that any senior leader who understands the multiplier positive impact receiving executive coaching has in all sectors of their lives, will be truly open and will offer for the right reasons coaching to their middle and first line managers as a strategic way to increase organisational capability and shift culture. 

In the last decade I have noticed more and more practises where executive, leadership, performance or team coaching is indeed used to support the development of high potential managers and staff and their teams, as well as a follow-up to management and leadership training. Coaching to assist new managers and leaders get up to speed is also becoming a common practice. Managers at all levels of an organisation can benefit from coaching. 

5. Executive coaching is expensive and I cannot afford it. 

I have noticed this objection exists only with undecided clients. All clients who already have decided that coaching is right for them and they see the benefit, they will find a way to move forward and take coaching. These people have the conviction that the price they pay for coaching is an investment they make in themselves, and they are confident that, after completing coaching, it is in their power to make this investment paying back in future. They already understand their ROI or are prepared to talk about ROI with the coach. They are also prepared to talk and review the  pricing conditions with the coach.

In pricing an executive coaching package, I take into consideration that my client does not buy my time for having some bening conversations. In fact my client buys a promise about a change they make in themselves, i.e. their future transformation they desire or aim for that would allow them pursue further a successful life and career.

In this context, the client needs to answer the following questions:

1. What is the cost they already incur for not operating this shift?
2. What is the future return on investment they facilitate their access to, once they have made this inner shift? 
3. How many years of repeat return, would the client benefit once having it accessed?
4. How does each of them (current cost and cumulative future return) compare with the cost of the coaching program?
5. How does the current, and respectively the potential future, hourly revenue of this manager compare with the hourly cost for the program?

When assessing the already incurred cost, the manager who contemplates purchasing a coaching package should have in mind the following components: the image cost they pay for being seen in organisation as not being the right fit for the job, the productivity loss in their own life with time lost, energy spent and relationships deteriorated for not being able to make decisions, to keep up with their decision, to deliver in the terms promised or the hours spent in negativity self inflicted.

All this time, although perhaps not bearing a monetary figure, takes a high toll over one’s quality of life and clutters the clarity with which one engages in action, often deterring them from moving forward and keeping them stuck.

Moreover, the coaching fee acts as a motivator and accountability tool. Anyone who purchased a high ticket thing understands that when one does this purchase is already invested in demonstrating oneself they can and will. In this way, reminding themselves about the investment they made in themselves, will act as the best accountability buddy for remaining true to their transformational goals and, whenever they meet an obstacle, will take those steps to find a way to move it forward.

6. If you say results are seen immediately, why is the program taking months?

I usually work with executive clients in the corporate world or involved in building their own entrepreneurial journey. 

What do they have in common?

Usually they are males, in various management positions, in the range of 35 to 55, looking to redefine themselves for various reasons associated with a need for a better organisational fit and with bringing more fulfilment and joy in their own life. In addition, with a few exceptions, my clients have never been through any form of formal executive coaching yet. However, they have a desire for a deep and significant renewal and they give themselves this time.

At the beginning of a coaching program many of my clients cannot be specific about what they are looking for, and usually it takes up to 2 months and up to 4 coaching sessions to unpack and build a relevant coaching agenda touching deeply on the WHO of the client. Therefore, I always recommend during the period to meet for a coaching session every 2 weeks.

Nevertheless, this clarification work brings them a definition of a future transformational road map, and, seeing there is a road, and seeing they have a way to go connecting them to their goals, comes with a lot of positive surprise and a lot of relief for the client. This allows for a subtle change in client’s energy and motivation and a positive difference in their engagement for the following sessions. 

So, yes, change starts to manifest and be positively felt even from one session to the other. Because coaching takes place not only during the coaching sessions, but mainly in between sessions, when the client is by themselves and they test their own forces and resources with new approaches derived and enhanced by shifted mindsets.

To summarise, coaching is not intended to be a quick fix, however, many coachees experience tangible results after one or two coaching sessions. Although human beings tend to change slowly under normal circumstances, coaching for engaged and motivated people who seize the opportunity can lead to some remarkable and rapid changes in thinking and behaviour. 

Whenever the client is clear about what they need to obtain in respect of shift of perspective in themselves, that most probably can be obtained in a matter of targetted up to 4 coaching sessions. 

The final length of the coaching program depends on the client's decisiveness to remain accountable and their results. The coach will be there along the way, as long as necessary and permitted.

7. Coaching is not for me. It makes me vulnerable.

The nature of the coaching relationship is characterised by mutual trust, mutual respect and freedom of expression. Trust implies sincerity and authenticity and requires confidentiality on the part of the coach. Respect is about accepting another person for who they are and who they present themselves to be. 

Whenever there is safety, vulnerability is not triggered nor invited and the client learns about authenticity and how they can manifest it.

In this post I was talking about the coaching mindset. Bearing a coaching mindset means I believe and act with a deep conviction that my client has all potential for change and for reaching a higher level of fulfilment.  

In order for trust, respect and freedom of expression to exist, the manager going through executive coaching would benefit from contributing with the same mindset: acting from a deep belief: on one hand that the coach can help them achieve their goals, on the other hand having confidence they can do that shift themselves in the coaching process.

Confidentiality is one of the hallmarks of coaching. As a professional certified coach by ICF, I abide by ICF’s code of ethics which makes confidentiality a hallmark of safety in the coaching relationship . 

8. Coaching is too touchy-feely for me. There are no emotions in the office. Why talk about feelings and emotions then, with someone I do not know? 

Unlike therapy, coaching is about the present and the future, not the past. Coaches don’t explore your family history, search for unconscious motivations or try to change your personality. A therapist’s role is that of a healer, while a coach is a catalyst, helping you develop your potential and improve your performance.

The emphasis in a coaching relationship is on action, accountability and follow-through. Nevertheless, it is the important role of coaching to draw the client's attention on the emotion or feeling the have in experiencing a certain situation they are living and making the rigjht connections between that emotions and the client's mindset.

It is this way the client become aware about the shift they need to perform to exit that situation.

9. Will the coach tell me how to do my job? What would I have to learn from a coach who does not know anything about me? How can the coach help me if she does not have a similar background as mine?

This is rather an objection I encounter when I discuss with a sponsor for coaching in organisational set-up or by a manager who has been offered to go through a coaching program without having been told why by their managers or organisation.

Coaches are not qualified to tell you how to do your job and they do not wish to do so. A coach can help you overcome obstacles and achieve your goals by framing your situation and offering you a different perspective that will trigger the need for change in you, by offering different perspectives than those in which their client remains entangled, by offering new insights or potential meaning of a larger map to stimulate your own thinking. A coach can be a sounding board and a mirror to enable you to see yourself and your options in different ways. But you’re still in charge of you and your work. 

While helpful, having a similar background doesn’t guarantee that the coach will be effective. It’s more important for the coach to have the skills and abilities to help you reach that awareness, motivating you to change and transform yourself and acquire the skills you need. The most helpful coach is one who listens to you and helps you reflect on your choices, see your behaviours and their real impact, helps you see how you make sense of the world around you and see the energy and quality of the judgement you bring in your situations.

10. I will loose my credibility if people hear I am in a coaching program.

This is a perspective and fear I see in many first time managers or middle managers in transitioning into becoming proficient in their own job. 

In the back of the mind of any manager undergoing a coaching process, there is a silent fear: Won’t I lose face with my staff and peers if I have a coach? 

And this can be a topic of the coaching discussion itself because beyond this topic lies the fear about others’ opinions about me. Most employees in the labour market today know that personal development is a life-long process. Therefore, there is nothing surprising nor threatening about being a manager and having brought one coach to work with for improvement. As a matter of fact, many professional highly skilled workers see it as a matter of prestige and receiving it is the normality of many companies. 

Not only do they see in you - the manager being coached - a model of how someone takes good care of self and do concrete steps to grow, but it is also seen as a sign demonstrating the organisation’s commitment to the person, and the credit the organisation gives you - the manager being supported with coaching. You become an even better role model to your colleagues and you demonstrate your commitment to learning when you let them know that you’re being coached. If anyone doesn’t understand this, it says more about them than it does about you! 

Hope you found this list of interest. I am curious whether you recognised any of these objections, myths or preconceptions about coaching in your working place. 

Write to me at [email protected] and tell me if you see any other myth or preconception missing my list. I would really enjoy responding to you personally.